My beloved stepfather died 13 days ago at 0850 cdt. He and my mother spent 22 years together and he lived in my family home longer than my father did (whom I also love dearly). His death was sudden and in a sense, brutal, though it was the natural passing of a body. Nothing ever prepares you to hear your mother in such pain at a moment when you can’t be there to wrap your arms around here. I was on a plane in about 5 hours. It was the fastest flight I could get out.
I haven’t stopped crying much since and I’m not going to eulogize him here yet. I’m still processing. David Bowie’s Blackstar has been really getting me through this moment.
However, I instead did something for all of you. Whenever someone has died over the last decade, since my grandfather died, Jeff Buckley’s Satisfied Mind has been the song I turn to. I recorded it for you.
Also, over the last year, I’ve tried multiple times to record Buckley’s version of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah.
Tonight I give you both. Neither is perfect. They are both likely missing a verse in the middle. It’s just the best way I have been working through this immense hole in my heart and holding on to the part of me that wants to just slip out of all this sorrow and grief. Listen if you like.