I swear, being a fully functioning, ethical, compassionate, empathetic adult is simply learning how to manage expectations.
When we are young(er), our brains are unformed. Well into our 20s, our brains are still solidifying the functions of the prefrontal cortex. So, it’s unsurprising that young people really can’t stop themselves from making impulsive decisions. I’d also say I can’t help impulsive decisions in front of the cheese selection at St James Creamery. Totally out of my control. But that’s cheese’s fault.
So, once we get to our 40s, we are supposed to be fully capable of acting in our own best interests, but what we can’t control is how others act towards us. Hence, we are forced to manage our expectations of others and situations out of our control.
Let me tell you, though, it isn’t fun and it isn’t desired.
Most of us having a running inner dialogue. Not just a monologue. We imagine what we want others to say and do in relation to us. However, those are just our feelings. We spend so much of our lives wanting others to react as we desire, to say what we need to hear, to act in the ways most beneficial to us. Or maybe it’s just me but I can’t imagine I’m alone in this.
Managing our expectations means accepting that our feelings are not the feelings of others and relinquishing the control we so desire in order for others to have full agency in their own narratives. We must manifest the equanimity towards others that not only accepts but celebrates the differences in how affection is shown, action is taken, and conversations occur.
While our own lives are a compilation of all those interactions and relationships with others, we also become an amalgamation of all the stories we are told and all the moments shared with others.
Yet, still, we (read: I) yearn for all those moments and all those stories to add up to whatever long term goals or stories we have for our own lives.
Then again, where we typically end up, while vastly different from what our meager brains can imagine, tends to be wilder and more magical for all its spontaneity and unexpectedness.
So, perhaps managing expectations and reminding ourselves to celebrate everyone acting with full agency leads us to that magic… and who doesn’t want a magical, wild, heady life?