I know over the last year I’ve been remiss in posting regularly. Going to try to change that and I have a number of topics to write on. Also, I’m currently working on two books- one nearing completion and the other, at its inception. So, lots of using this brain of mine and playing with words.
In the midst of all this word play, and following the gluttony of the beginning of the pandemic, I signed up for Cutback Coach recently.
I preface this by saying, I’ve been pretty open about my ex-husband’s alcoholism, though I’ve done my best not to post about all the damage it did and how difficult it was. There’s no fun in guests at a dinner party having to step over a passed out body in the hallway of your home in order to leave.
I have long had people in my life who don’t drink (I’d previously worked at it myself some years ago, as evidenced by this old post) or who quit drinking for a variety of reasons. I also have plenty of friends who love a good tipple but do so rarely. One of my friends didn’t drink for months at the height of the pandemic and I was blown away by her self-control.
As my life has slowly filled with sober folks and I’ve watched trends of public figures I admire either getting sober or speaking openly about their sobriety (not all due to addiction, but a fair few), I started wondering about it for myself.
Now, I’m not going full throttle. I still love a fine bourbon or scotch or tequila… ok, I’m not going to list all the drinks I enjoy. Suffice to say, a good cocktail or a fine spirit is highly enjoyable. I still enjoy the revelry of letting loose on Frenchmen Street with a few beers and dancing among the other uninhibited sweaty bodies until the wee hours of the morning. Goodness, can Blue Nile reopen already?!
Then I think about the benefits of more sobriety.
First of all, sleep. I know the misnomer that alcohol helps one sleep. Yes, alcohol can make you sleepy and even knock you out, but that’s not good sleep. It’s not restful, restorative sleep. It’s broken, hot, disruptive sleep.
Then there’s waking up the morning after: headaches, a need for lots of carby foods, and the dehydration. Even the hair of the dog, reintroducing that slide into inebriation.
Most importantly to me right now is reducing inflammation. With all my chronic pain issues, this is a big bonus to seriously cut back. Alcohol is highly inflammatory. Then mixed with NSAIDS, there is a potent combination for more heartburn.
Further, liquor isn’t cheap. Especially when out on the town but even to stock the home bar. As I’ve been ramping up plans for travel, I’d rather use my hard-earned cash for flights and ridiculous meals at Michelin Star restaurants (I’m looking at you, Per Se, because I’ll be heading for a visit to NYC sometime soon-ish). I have plans for multiple international trips as well and one of those will be in search of high fashion items to bring home. Dresses > liquor
There’s also the fact that, typically, I don’t need to double check what I post online when I’m sober. I’ve had a number of mornings where I scoured my social media to delete drunken rants from when I got in my feelings while intoxicated. Thankfully I’ve managed not to send a bunch of ill-advised drunken texts, but it’s a possibility once my senses are dulled. I’ve definitely felt more anger over the last few years when drinking, though if you look at *gestures at the state of the world*, well, if you’re not raging, you’re not fully awake.
Finally, there’s a small matter of calories. Alcohol calories are as empty as can be. They’re straight sugar, often mixed with more sugar. As a woman of a particular age, I can no longer eat and drink with abandon and still weigh the same as I’ve weighed since 1994. I’ve spent good deal of money over the last few decades building a wardrobe I generally love. Loads of gorgeous dresses and cute tank tops, and after switching to more ethical fashion over the last few years, I simply can’t afford to drink myself into a different size. So, ditching the hundreds upon hundreds of calories in a few drinks per night should lead to a reduction in the few pounds the pandemic has added to my slight frame.
So, all that said, I signed up for Cutback Coach. There’s support to motivate and promote healthier drinking habits. It isn’t an all or nothing sort of program. It acknowledges that many of us are looking for reduction instead of abstinence but helps us look at our habits. Boredom, for me, is absolutely a trigger for drinking. So is pain. However, a recent treatment has reduced my pain to far more manageable levels, so I don’t quite have that excuse any longer (though I’d kill to be back in Colorado to have edibles back as an option for pain treatment). As for boredom, that’s where the coach comes into play, so I can ask for support when I need it. Also, having a more established social circle in New Orleans helps alleviate the loneliness of the pandemic.
I often say, having the right tools for any job makes the task easier. Cutback Coach for me is such a tool in what will be an ongoing endeavor. Making socializing more about the people I’m with rather than the buzz I feel means more meaningful interactions and more presence. Do I even need to mention less doom scrolling on social media?
It’s really an all win situation. There is no downside to what I’m doing. As I’m building a life that I absolutely love, filled with the most amazing and intense magical beings I am blessed to call friends and lovers, it’s lovely to set to the side the thing that takes me out of the present and away from hearing (or remembering) the life stories and reaching the hearts of those around me. That sentence possibly got away from me but the sentiment is clear: I can leverage sobriety to manifest all the things I dream of for myself and those I love.
If you too would like to cut back or explore sobriety, I’m happy to talk about the public figures I’ve found instrumental in choosing this particular path for myself and to participate in sober activities around New Orleans, such as simply walking her gorgeous streets overwhelmed by the beauty and the magic of her.
NB: This is a long term plan and no doubt, I will still have days or nights of drunken revelry. I don’t expect perfection of myself, just accountability and openness.