After Hurricane Ida, I wrote about something I’d heard from Whitney Cummings: if your heart is going to break, make sure it breaks open.
When I heard this, I didn’t realize I was in for a heartbreak, something I hadn’t experienced in many years. This heartbreak wasn’t caused by a person, though there was a person involved. I even said, if my heart was going to be broken by a person, they were worth the risk. Yet, my heartbreak was the heartbreak of once more having my home violated by a major hurricane. My sense of safety, my illusion of safety, was sorely tested and found wanting.
So I lamented. I lamented long and loud. My friends heard me and held me up, because they are equally moved by heart. I lamented the violation of walking into my home with the doors blown open and the penetration of water through my roof. My city let me down. Then, in conjunction with it, and I feel because of it, my emotions towards that someone appeared deeper to me than they were. As I sobbed, I wondered aloud and by word to my friends, “Is this love or am I simply vulnerable to a lack of feeling of security in this moment?”
It was the latter. Not that I don’t have love for the person, because they are worthy of my time and attention, even if the romantic side of our relationship doesn’t exist at the moment. They are and have been my friend. I don’t feel that they made me feel a certain way. I take full ownership of my feelings and how they presented to the world. I did what was necessary then to regain my sure footing. I communicated my feelings and moved from hurt and heartbreak to sincere friendship, knowing that my friendships run to the deepest part of me and that was the best expression of my love. Also, no one can tell the future.
So, as my heart broke and I moved through my emotions, I’ve come out the other side still open, still full of love, and ready to see what the Universe brings to me next. I am choosing to manifest beauty and love as I step into my future.