A Debt of Gratitude

Tonight I decided to catch up on the current season of Doctor Who because I’ve avoided it for a few weeks just so I could binge it. I think I’m like a lot of people now who enjoy the binge-watching over week to week show watching. It makes television shows seem more like books…or really long movies, which is really how we all want our books made into movies, instead of the short things that cut out some of our favorite book moments.

Doctor Who is always awesome, by the way.

While watching, I was also reading. I think Facebook should allow you to choose more than one “activity” on your status posts, because I’m often doing other things like reading while watching TV. Plus then I’m also feeling things and I would like to have the option to add it all.

You’re probably wondering at this point what the title of this post has to do with Doctor Who or Facebook statuses. Or maybe you just figure I’m a little off tonight. Speaking of which, it’s after midnight and I was going to go to sleep but I started mentally composing this and I knew if I went to sleep, I’d lose the witty things I wanted to share. Well, I think they’re witty anyway.

Tonight I was reading, You Are Here, by Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess. And I thought, as her words filled my heart and made me laugh out loud (once again, as she has for years), I owed her a thank you. 

If you’ve been reading my blog for years or if you read it’s previous WordPress incarnation, you know that a few years ago I had some seriously dark times. I was suicidal, I was being abused by my partner at the time, and I felt very alone. However, as I struggled to find any reason to hang on, Jenny posted about a stuffed monkey she named Copernicus. Somehow that post made it to me. Copernicus was taxidermied, missing part of his face, and homicidal. And he made me laugh so much. 

Then I read The Bloggess, Jenny’s hilarious and touching blog. Then her first book was released and I was still in my dark times and again, I laughed and laughed. Full belly laughs. Those were hard to come by then.

Then one particularly dark night, I tweeted at her about how hard it was to hold on and she messaged me back, “Never quit. Remember, depression lies to you.” That night I didn’t quit and here I am 5 years later and still going.

Jenny helped me feel I wasn’t alone that night and through her books and her posts on many days to follow. I’ve suffered from debilitating anxiety since I was a child. Her opening up about her struggles with anxiety made it easier for me to open up as the years went on. 

I have also sent her books to people in my life who I love when I thought they could also use some cheering up in hard times. I’m totally about to book bomb a few people in my life now with You Are Here. It’s lovely and uplifting. 

I’ve taken some time over the years to thank other friends who helped me through those dark times and I felt tonight I needed to say the same to Jenny. So, thank you, Jenny Lawson. You were one of the lights in the darkness that kept me going until the sun broke through. 

These days, the sun shines bright. For that also am I grateful.

If there are typos, I’ll deal with them in the morning…