It’s been a year since I started this site and I’ve done nothing with it. Why? Life has been insane and I wanted this space to be “right”. I’ve decided, as inspiration keeps roiling within my chest, that now is the time to speak.
So, what is there to say?
Oh so much!
Yet, now that I’m logged in and ready to begin this verbal journey, I find that I have no idea where to start. So, I’ll leave it at this, a few brief insights I’ve discovered this year:
– I spent much of the last couple of years in and out of suicidal moods (Way to start small, right?). Not a proud admission but as a message for anyone who is considering self-harm: stick around. When I thought things would never get better, that the dark and dismal place I was existing and the poisonous person I was with were all I had to look forward to, it was easy to see that there was no reason to live. I was so wrong. When you regain your power and things change, as they absolutely will, the world will brighten, you will move on from those who hurt you, and suddenly, you will find the happiest times of life were simply waiting for you to wake up. They were for me. Life is the best it can be now. Why? I made the choice to make it so and I had amazing friends and family to stand by me. It isn’t easy, it doesn’t happen overnight, and it will be hard. Just hang on. Really, hang on. Find any single reason to keep waking up each day. It will get better and there are wondrous things awaiting you.
– Dreams change and timing changes for pursuing them. In the midst of my hell, I thought having a baby as a single woman was the only way to give me a reason to keep going and I pursued it to my detriment. I imprisoned myself in the thought that there was only NOW, only that exact moment to pursue what I wanted. Instead, through some grief and extreme self-reflection, I found that NOW isn’t always the time for some dreams and it was better to let myself heal and see what other dreams may unfold in natural time. We can’t force things. We can work towards them, we can hope for them, but we must listen when the universe tells us to wait… and we must listen to our own heart when it says that how we are doing things is wrong and it is time to let the world unfold naturally.
– Be authentic. “Compartmentalizing” is another word for lying. Don’t hide who you are, no matter who disapproves. Be you. Be amazing. Be strong. Be loud. Be BRAVE. It may take you places you never thought you would go but those places will be incredible if you are truly YOU.
– It’s important to trust in your friends. If it hadn’t been for my friends, and there are three I want to thank directly in hopes that they will read this: Raquel, Jim, and Nathan. Thank you. If you hadn’t spoken with me, carried me, loved me… I would not have made it this far, nor would I have been prepared for the most amazing love to ever grace my path. I would not have been open, I would not have been whole and ready, and I would not have been appreciative of the man who stepped forward in my life. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for helping me fix me so I could be ready for him.
– Take chances. Take bold, big chances, no matter that you may fall, no matter that you may fail… take chances to do great things!
With these words, I consider my new website properly launched. I leave you with this video because it’s awesome and it has been coloring my days: All This and Heaven Too