As K and I are deep in wedding planning and all things are falling easily into place, I am doing some searching for simple things like gifts for our very tiny bridal party. Having found a thoughtful gift for my sister and matron of honor, as well as gifts for our mothers, I was perusing best man gifts. Now, let’s be honest, there are differences between men and women. Most guys don’t want a purse or manicure (if they do, that’s perfectly fine). Most women don’t want golf balls as a gift either. I don’t care for golf so I don’t see this as a good gift but according to all the websites, golf themed gifts are a “guy thing”. But to get to my gripe:
Why is it that women’s gifts are thoughtful and kind whereas gifts among grooms and groomsmen include things that say, “Last night of freedom” or have lists of negative things that come with marriage?
Here’s the thing, K and I both look forward to marriage and to building a life together, replete with familial obligations (because we like each other’s families) and including what it takes to build a life, such as chores and projects we will inevitably tackle. These are not negatives. So, why on Earth would we even consider or would our friends even consider purchasing something that is about the last of things we will do? This is not the end of anything, it is the beginning of everything!
But for those who disagree, here is a list of the lasts and endings that come with marriage:
- the last of lonely nights
- the end of heartbreaks
- the end of fear of never having someone to hold your hand
- the end of the uncertainty of being loved or being worthy of great love
- the end of walking through life alone
- the end of a small family, for now it is doubled in size and in love
- the end of completing all the household chores alone
- the end of tackling finances alone
- the end of nights in a bar trying to catch some stranger’s eye
- the last of first dates
- the end of bad dates
- the end of wondering when you will begin your own family
What is it the beginning of?
The beginning of waking up in mornings grateful for the one next to you, the beginning of planning a future with someone, including deciding when to begin having children, the beginning of deciding where to homestead, the beginning of seeing how beautiful you are when viewed through your beloved’s eyes, the beginning of feeling safe and secure, the beginning of viewing the future as a “we” instead of “I or me”, the beginning of sharing burdens, the beginning of grand adventures with a constant partner, the first kiss as husband and wife, the first dance at the wedding, the first house you purchase together, the first party you throw together, the first time you see your child’s eyes and they look like your partner’s… all the firsts that are born together as a unit: unbreakable and stronger for being two.
So, for the naysayers who give their condolences upon such a happy occasion, I send you my pity for not seeing all the beauty it has that two imperfect souls are coming together to share one beautiful life as a united front. For those who see marriage as an ending instead of a beginning, you have my condolences. I waited many years and waged many battles to come to this time that I could face the future completely unafraid of looking at one face all the rest of my days and of joining my destiny to his. We do not take this commitment lightly and I see nothing is lost by choosing to wed this one man. I only see that so much is gained. So, if you choose to toast my husband-to-be for his last anything, so be it, but perhaps toast to his never again being lonely and never again feeling alone. Or perhaps, simply toast to his health and happiness with his new bride and all the firsts and beginnings he is about to experience.
Here endeth my rant.