Well, if it isn’t already obvious, I have failed to keep up with NaPoWriMo. Why? About a million different reasons but mostly, my brain has been in a weird place lately. Take a weekend that included Racer K slicing open his finger with one of our amazing new knives (a spectacular wedding gift from my soon-to-be-in-laws), a small fire in our oven, the death of a high school friend, pending results of my sister’s current scans, and just generally feeling out of it. I don’t know if I’ll pick it up again but right now, sitting in a prodrome haze and trying to treat this pending migraine before it begins, I doubt it. It was fun until it wasn’t… it was hard to force myself to come up with words and rhymes but I did enjoy the exercise of being creative out of effort.
Life has seemed to become very heavy in the last couple weeks. I’ve had some strong emotions about my sister’s health and what’s to come and, with my friend dying, who was only a few months older than I am, life has become both very hazy and sharply in focus. The great joy in my life- my pending nuptials to an amazing man- hasn’t been able to outweigh some of my melancholy so I am both sad and deliriously happy at the same time. It feels conflicting but also completely natural. Life and death don’t stop just because I am living out my dreams. It would be nice though if Death, looming, dark, and unpredictable, could just take a pause for the next few weeks so I could focus on the important things- my Love, my family, and fitting into my wedding dress.
RIP Shane Gibson. You are missed. I feel like life is just beginning, so it is hard to imagine that you won’t get to experience the rest of what you should have had.