I’m sitting and eating ice cream in my bed and it made me think, “It’s great to be an adult (er… sometimes).” So, it made me think about my little brother and sister who are just approaching adulthood, along with several of my cousins’ and friends’ children. Whew! How did everyone suddenly get teenagers?!?
Last year at my mother’s house, as we all drank and dealt with the end of my sister’s life, I had a tendency to begin lecturing my little cousins. There are two of them, B and H, who are getting old enough to really be planning their futures. B is even driving now! So, I kept lecturing them about education, about money, and about love, and I thought I’d condense it here with as much wisdom one can possibly have at 36.
1. Don’t look for a love like Rachel and Ross. Look for a love like Monica and Chandler.
Ok, goodness, Friends is probably a little old for them! Just don’t look for a “love” like the one in 50 Shades of Grey or Twilight. Don’t even look for a love like Buffy and Angel. Look for a kind, generous, giving love. Don’t look for a love like Olivia and Fitz. Look for Marshall and Lily love.
What I’ve been telling the girls is to look for a man who is gentle, kind, loving, and will treat your family as his own. Within 2 months of getting married, my husband was on a plane with me to my mother’s house and not only did he take care of me as my sister died, he took care of my niece and nephew and everyone else to the best of his abilities. That’s the kind of man to marry. Don’t marry a man or a woman who won’t take your family as his, or who thinks money is more important than compassion. Life is hard. Life consists of losing a job, a car breaking down, the roof on the house needing replacing, and your aunt dying… within 6 months and you will lose your mind and your will to keep moving sometimes. Marry someone who loves you enough to try to cheer you up on your worst day, not someone who cuts you off when you begin to cry. If nothing else, follow this advice and the rest you can work out. Divorces are expensive and custody battles are even more expensive. Downton Abbey offered some great wisdom and it is worth considering when choosing a partner:
2. Start saving from the moment you are given your first dollar. If you haven’t yet, start now. Today. Do it. Open a savings account and only add to it. Put at least 10% of every penny you take home into it. Get You Need a Budget as soon as you have a job and start using it to save as much as you comfortably can. When you are 25 and have $10,000 in the bank and the rest of your friends can’t afford gas, you’ll be grateful.
You may think you need a designer bag or boots or a new video game but let me tell you, all that stuff breaks or is forgotten, especially when you have no money to pay your rent the first month after you are unexpectedly let go from a job. Which you will be at some time in your life. Instead, build your nest egg. Keep it to yourself that you are so frugal but let others play the Rockefeller image early in life while you live off 75% of your take home pay. By 30 or 40, you’ll feel so good about your finances and you’ll never have to turn to your older parents and beg them for money.
It took me a loooong time to learn this particular lesson but now, I rest easy in financial stability, as opposed to living hand to mouth or paycheck to paycheck. I love it. It is peace. Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy some peace of mind.
3. To go with #2, buy cheap cars until you’re 30. Used cars without loads of special upgrades will save you lots in repairs when you have accidents in your late teens and early twenties. Keep dependable used cars until you’re old enough to know you are unlikely to buy another car for 10 years. Then you can consider getting a brand new car. I was 35 when I bought my first brand new car. It was totally worth the wait.
4. Never start smoking. Ever. It will cost you a fortune. Currently cigarettes cost anywhere from $5 to $15 per pack, depending on where you live. Let’s say on average you spend $7 per pack. Most smokers tend to smoke about a pack a day, or so I’ve heard from people who smoke. That’s $2,555 a year. Read that number again: $2,555. Think if you put that in your savings account each year about where you will be in ten years. Not to mention, smoking makes your breath stink, your whole body stink, your teeth yellow, it destroys your skin, and yellows your fingers. The smell of cigarette smoke sticks to everything: your house, your car, your clothes. This isn’t even mentioning the lung cancer and emphysema you could end up with and it is horrible for your heart.
5. Very important: on some days, plan nothing. Nothing but sitting around and reading a good book while listening to music. Or sitting with a guitar and playing all day. But create days where you have no chores, no obligations, and no plans. You will need them and they’ll help you love yourself.
6. As for the rest, there are ways to make your adulthood more enjoyable. Exercise when you’re young so you set the habit for your life. At 35, your metabolism will change and suddenly, weight won’t come off as easy and you won’t recover from a burger and fries the way you used to. Go easy on sugar consumption. Go to the doctor and the dentist regularly and eat well. Learn to love vegetables.
I’ll tell you this: no one really likes a picky eater. Normal people look on picky eaters with a bit of disdain and pity. Sorry, but it’s true. There’s nothing noble or attractive about a 40 year old saying they only like “meat and potatoes”.
Sometimes as an adult though, do the things your parents said you couldn’t. Eat ice cream before dinner occasionally because it’s Tuesday . Have breakfast for dinner. Stay up late enough to watch the sunrise. It’s totally worth it, especially if you’re enjoying intelligent conversations with a great friend. Stay in your PJs all day. Dance when no one is looking. Sing really loud. And sometimes, dress up just because. For no reason other than you have a really nice suit or dress or pair of shoes.