This has been the hardest 6 months of my life… but still among the best. I could not imagine having faced the death of my sister alone. I could not imagine life without my darling husband by my side with his patience, his love, and his understanding. Can you imagine the gift he gives me each day simply by walking with me through this rather quiet grief ridden ride?
Yes, I find my grief to be a quiet one. My sister is never out of my thoughts or far away. I think of her in all the small things of my day: shared love of a song, something she liked, something we did together, something she advised me on. At night I dream of her. She is still alive for me in so many ways and so, when I stop and think of her physical absence, I grieve, but so often it is in the dark of night when my husband sleeps or alone in my car. There aren’t huge sobs, though I did have a meltdown on New Year’s Eve after 2015 came in…because this is the first calendar year without her. It is simply my heart overflowing with love for her and that manifests in tears because I miss her so.
I wouldn’t say I’m all recovered. This is a long road and how do you ever recover from such a loss, particularly of such a big personality? My tisane for grief, named “Open Heart,” is almost gone and I don’t think I will be refilling it, as it has done what I needed and brought me through the worst of it all. I am simply striving to live now in a way that would make her proud.
6 months last night at 11pm. Half a year. I don’t really understand how it’s possible that time has continued without her.